


fatigue failure

by LittleBlackGoldfish



Series: distance as a measure of our growth [3]
Category: Impulse (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Gen, Mentions of Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:28:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22244110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleBlackGoldfish/pseuds/LittleBlackGoldfish
Summary: The mistakes she makes all have the same flavor; from talking too much or not saying enough. Henry is trying, she really is, but as she takes one (tentative) step forward it seems she ends up taking a long leap back. The same old aches and pains,unhealed and unhealing, rebounding on themselves until scars turn into breaks.This is how Henry tries at fixing things, messily, without thought. Feeling too much and listening too little.
Relationships: Henrietta "Henry" Coles & Jenna Hope, Henrietta "Henry" Coles & Townes Linderman, Jenna Hope/OFC(s), past Henrietta "Henry" Coles/Josh
Series: distance as a measure of our growth [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586440
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Eventual allusions to sexual assault.

Henry: home safe, ur dad says hi

You: miss him

You: miss my room

You: my bed

You: feel like im gonna puke

Henry: jenna, you were like born for college

Henry: relax you are going to kick ass

* * *

Henry: hey

Henry: 1st week?

You: good so far

You: not like highschool at all

You: so many different people

* * *

You: don't like my roommate

* * *

You: ugh, lit is the woooorst

Henry: y im not going to school lol

You: shut up yes you are

Henry: :eyeroll:

* * *

Henry: so like

Henry: ho many girl hav u made out w/

You: r u high?

Henry: yah

You: not talking about this with you like this

Henry: com on jus tell me

Henry: 2? 3? 10?

Henry: a millon?

Henry: did they hav bg bubs

Henry: booz

Henry: tits haha

You: none

Henry: wha

Henry: like literally none?

You: I've been busy.

Henry: lame

Henry: Megan needs 2 hook u up

* * *

Henry: teens r the worst

You: Henry, you are a teen

Henry: not like this i wasnt

* * *

You: ok so there is a girl in gen ed

Henry: tell me

You: she wears a lot of leather, pierced lip ears nose

You: i think she has tattoos

You: but her arms

Henry: ok

* * *

You: nvm she has a boyfriend

* * *

You:  October 23-25  is family weeknd need to know if u and Cleo can mak it

You: hen

You: HENRY

Henry: sorry

Henry: yeah should be free

* * *

You: I think this girl in my lit class might be gay

You: or something

You: she was looking at picture of brie larson on her phone

Henry: is that like code?

* * *

You: ok wtf

You: dad says you're not coming

Henry: sorry i swear i was goign to tell u

Henry: someone needs to stay nd watch the arcade

Henry: we only talked about it yesterday

You: I'll miss you

* * *

You: have i mentioned that I hate lit

You: cuz I do

Henry: yeah

You: well Im going to say it again

Henry: you didn't say it

You: I HATE LIT

* * *

Henry: Hey, can I call you later?

Henry: nvm

You: sorry, I left my phone at home last night

You: what did you want to talk about?

Henry: not important

You: are you sure?

Henry: yeah

Henry: you go to a party or something? with the girl from ur lit class?

You: yes, no

You: Kate invited me

You: I made out with a girl i've barely even seen before

You: fuck

You: henry, what do I do?

You: hen?

Henry: dunno, do it again

* * *

You: hey I was thinking

You: maybe since, my dad and your mom are back together it might be cool to combine thanksgivings?

Henry: I dunno

Henry: mom and I didnt really get to do thanksgiving last year

Henry: I think she wants us to have like our own thing or whatever

You: oh ok

You: well I'm coming back up on the 22nd

You: tell me what days ur free and we can hang

Henry: sure

Henry: actuall theres something i want to talk to u about

You: what?

Henry: in person

* * *

You: hey sorry i missed you last night

You: it was literally the only day Patty had free before she has to go back to school

Henry: its cool

* * *

You: Happy Thanksgiving!

You: how is it I've barely seen you?

Henry: busy

You: free tomorrow?

Henry: yeah

* * *

You: Are you avoiding me?

Henry: of cours not

* * *

You: by the way what did u want to talk about

You: over thanksgiving?

Henry: its nothing

Henry: it was dumb

You: i'm sure it wasn't

* * *

You: comign back the 19th!

Henry: cool

* * *

You: stop avoiding me Henry

Henry: I'm not

You: Henry, I've been back all week

You: I haven't seen you once

Henry: busy

You: I know you're not at work

You: i'm coming over

* * *

You: Merry Christmas

* * *

Henry: Happy New Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something a little bit different and short to start off this one.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ugh, that's it," followed by a solid thump as Emily dropped her copy of  _ As I Lay Dying _ unceremoniously to the floor and flopped face first into Jenna's bed. "I am officially done with old white men for the week."

Jenna laughed and jostled the other girl's leg with her foot, which got her a single eye peeking through a fan of dark hair. Her roommate, Tamara, had gone to some frat party and wouldn't be back until early afternoon tomorrow which was why rather than going to Case-Geyer they were in her room for the night. 

It wasn't not a date, of course. Because Jenna was still a little too chickenshit for that. But she and Emily had been flirting, by her estimation, for a solid month over their English lit readings so she was hopeful something might happen soon.

"But it's not even nine," she said.

Emily groaned and rolled back over, "A new record. At this pace before you know it, I'll be done before I even start."

"When that happens don't count on me to help you keep up," Jenna laughed again. 

"Oh!" Emily sat up suddenly, hands clutched over her heart and wore a dramatically stricken expression. "You wound me, what sort of friend are you?"

A second later she flopped forward onto Jenna's lap, sending her heard thundering heady beat even as she laughed. She wriggled weakly away, but Emily slipped an arm underneath her legs and held on tight. Laughed into her thigh. Jenna pushed at her shoulders.

"Get off me, you goof," she said. "I'm still trying to read."

Emily shook, rubbing her face against Jenna's jeans, and sent another thrum of excitement spiraling electrically up Jenna's spine. Then, "No, I've got you now. You're too pretty- we're too pretty to waste away our Friday night reading the words of old dead guys."

Jenna froze, that wasn't quite the most blatant bit of flirting Emily had ever managed, but alone in her room pressed so tightly together there was something extra about it. And suddenly, despite her hopes, Jenna was completely and utterly terrified out of her mind. Uncertain of how to respond. Should she say something, touch her, laugh it off? What if Emily didn't mean it like that, if all these weeks had only been in Jenna's head, a figment of her own imagination constructed out of desperation. 

Her whole body locked up completely.

Sensing her sudden shift, Emily looked up at her. They stared at each other intently for what seemed like forever, eyes locked into a game of chicken where neither knew the penalty. Emily was first to flinch, closing her eyes and letting out a long slow breath. Part of Jenna was relieved and another part of her was disappointed, had been anticipating the end point of whatever strange moment had been suspended between them. 

A moment now crumbling around them. Or not. The other girl drew herself up with a slow deliberateness, only stopping one she'd drawn level with Jenna's eyes. 

This new moment stretched, tension winding higher and higher until Jenna's whole body felt on edge, taut like the skin of a drum. Her breath came with difficulty as her entire world narrowed down to just the two of them; hands and hips and lips, eyes boring into each other.

Jenna swallowed, whole body canting forward on an axis that tilts the whole world around it, and Emily inched closer. 

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips and she held her breath as-

_ Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. _

Emily scrambled back at the rapping at the door. For a long moment they both looked anywhere but each other, confusion and need warring in a scattered whirlwind. Jenna's heart still beat wildly in her chest as she blinked at the familiar, and yet suddenly bizarre and terrifying, landscape of her room, unsure whether to be relieved or angry at the interruption. Neither apparently did Emily, from the way she kept to averting her eyes and the flush rising on her cheeks.

They both sat in silence for several beats.

Long enough that whoever was at the door decided to knock again, more insistently.

_ Knock. Knock. _

Reluctantly unwinding herself from her position on her bed, Jenna padded over to the door. Before she pulled it open she looked back at Emily, now flipped back onto her stomach with their reading opened back up in front of her. Not, by appearance, Anywhere close to where she'd left off. Feeling distinctly unsettled, Jenna opened the door a crack.

And came face to face with Henry. 

Something about seeing her knocked Jenna's heart loose and dropped it, cold and leaden, into her stomach.Henry looked basically the same as she always did. Maybe a few new scuff marks on her jacked jacket, but that was it. Of course three months, a brief glimpse before Christmas, wasn't exactly a lifetime. Jenna herself might have felt like she'd gone through three different versions of herself in that time, but Henry was under no obligation to have done any sort of evolving or changing in that time. Her thoughts have gone skittering into dark corners and crack, thoroughly scattered.

"Henry," was what she ended up saying.

Henry smiled that same Henry smile, small and on the verge of disappearing into a scowl. A painfully awkward moment of silence followed.

"Uh, hey. Do you, I mean, can I come in?" Henry asked 

That was when Jenna noticed the bag slung over her shoulder.

What ran through her head first was that Henry was no longer content waiting till the end of summer to run off; which sent such a visceral surge of anger running up and down the length of her that Jenna actually had to catch herself and force it down. One the bag was way too lightly packed and two it was hardly her business anymore; she'd only just promised herself she wasn't going to get wrapped up in Henry's shit anymore. And, right, yeah she had a girl in her room right now who might actually be capable of admitting a reciprocal interest. 

So, Jenna had bigger things to deal with than Henry's cries for attention. Or whatever.

The second thought she had was that this was so typical of Henry. Showing up out of the blue and expecting Jenna to accommodate her at the drop of a hat, without regard to whatever other things she might have going on. Like the aforementioned girl. Or just school in general. Which really made her want to just scream her head off.

Because she's Jenna Faith Hope, what came out instead was, "Y-yeah, sure. Um."

Stepping back, out of the doorway, she let the door swing open and Henry walk in on a strange sort of autopilot. Curiosity took over Henry's face as she sauntered in, a jarring presence that cast Jenna's entire college experience into a strange sort of relief, like pure light held up behind a sheet. Jenna followed her gaze, trying to see what Henry was seeing. When her eyes landed on Emily, blinking at the sudden invasion, she found a mirrored curiosity. Hers annoyed Jenna a lot less.

There was something piercing about it. 

Like she was suddenly connecting dots Jenna never knew she was laying down, putting together stray mentions carefully excised of any mention of Henry and this new persons' easy familiarity to come up with some greater picture. Her edited life outside of Colgate is a patchwork tapestry that has so far nicely elided the worst bits; Cleo her almost step-mom, her grief over her mom a neat little scabbed over wound, never any mention of almost failing, and her outness never a question. 

And of course, just as Jenna was grappling with how to explain Henry to Emily, that was when the former noticed the latter and everything in her brain seemed to come to screeching halt. Again. It would be funny, watching Henry stare open mouthed at Emily, if it weren't sort of terrifying having them in the same room. 

Emily waved, "Hi, I'm Emily."

"Henry," Henry said, obviously, then turning to Jenna, added, "I, uh, didn't think you would have, um, you know. Someone over."

"Yeah, well, kind of hard to find that out without talking to me," Jenna snapped back, edging herself closer to Emily. Whatever Henry was there for, she was determined not to give in. To keep her self-made promise for space.

Henry laughed, "Yeah, well, it was just a- I just sort of decided."

Of course she did. There was no good response to that, so Jenna just hummed absently.

"So, what were the two of you-" Henry started.

At the same time, Emily spoke up, "How do you know Jenna?"

Henry looked at back at her, glanced over at Jenna, "Um," and looked around the room as if it might provide her an answer, "We went to the same high school?" 

"Her mom almost married my dad, they lived with us for a while."

"Cool," Emily said, though what part exactly was cool Jenna wasn't sure. "Where do you go now?"

Henry opened her mouth, but Jenna got her words out first, "She works, at my dad's arcade. Henry doesn't think college is for her."

"I-" Henry started, but then she glanced at Emily and thought better of it.

"Oh, yeah, that's cool. My cousin is an apprentice electrician," Emily offered, holding up the book, "We were just-"

"Studying," Jenna finished quickly, too quickly because both Emily and Henry turned to look at her; Emily looking confused and once again Henry wondering.  _ Shit _ , she thought, before biting out, "So, if you don't mind."

Now it was Henry's turn to look caught out.

"Right, okay, I'll just- go see Townes. Leave the two of you to your 'studying.'"

"Thanks."

Then before Henry had the door all the way open, but without looking back at her, "You can come back after ten, we should be done by then. We can, talk."

"Okay," she said, then glancing back at Emily, "Nice, to um, meet you."

Emily gave her a nod and an uncertain wave as she closed the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Before the door had even finished closing behind her Henry was tapping out a text to Townes.

_in twn can i come by?_

Okay, with the benefit of hindsight, just showing up unannounced was maybe not the best idea. But there's been this, like, weird tension between the two of them since before Jenna came back for Thanksgiving and it didn't feel like she _could_ say anything. It was more of a spur of the moment thing anyways. Henry barely stopped by the apartment long enough to grab clothes. And let her mom know. 

Reckless excitement had overridden caution. And honestly Henry was mostly tired of waiting, of the coiling tension sitting at the back of her mind. Of feeling afraid. Being a coward.

But, obviously, she could have probably taken a moment to call Jenna. Or at least text. She's not even entirely sure why she didn't, except that for the first time in a while it had felt like she was finally doing something right, that things were settling into place in a way that made things make sense. When Thomas given her the weekend off, Henry had felt like she needed to do something. 

And her mind immediately jumped to Jenna. Maybe it wasn't all down to Jenna, Thomas himself and her mom hadn't exactly been subtle with their own views, but there it was.

Townes reply came back half a minute later.

 _Yes._ _I will be available in 21 minutes, after Zoe and I's nightly skype is finished._

Followed immediately by.

_Also, be aware you will have to vacate the premise by 10 unless you plan to stay the night._

And then by the address.

She didn't head over straight away. Colgate is a small campus, but it's not, like, tiny and she barely saw any of it the last time she was here. Even though Henry had realized how monumentally poor of an idea this all was, it was also way too late to bail on the whole thing now. Jenna has seen her, expects her back later. So, with twenty minutes to kill and roughly half of campus to cross Henry figured she might as well wander at least a little.

It was nice. Not that she had a lot to compare it too, just pictures off brochures and glimpses from movies. Mostly it just seemed like a college campus, maybe not as sprawling as the ones from films and stuff, but nice enough. Lots of meandering paths that cut through carefully manicured lawns.

The sort of places they always shown kids sitting laying out on in nice weather.

Right now it's still cold, the fading edges of winter hanging on stubbornly, but Henry imagined spring was prime time to just hang around and lay out on the grass beneath greening trees. Can't picture herself doing it, exactly. But she can imagine Jenna tucked away at the base of a tree with a book in one hand. Other students milling around.

Friends beside her, their chatter indistinct noise as Jenna switched between reading and note taking in careful, neat script. Or maybe that girl from her dorm, Emily. Henry wondered if they were dating, wondered if she was the girl from her lit class. The girl from the party.

Would she be curled up against Jenna's side come spring, head cradled in her lap, black hair twining between Jenna's fingers as she played absently with its length. Whispering hushed words into the press of her thigh. Slow turn of her head to catch trailing fingers on her cheek.

Jenna runs cold, always trying to bundle up against the creep of chill, the initial contact sending a shiver down her spine, but that would soon pass and leave only the warmth that had nothing at all to do with temperature. Turning her head again, would she press lips to the soft, delicate skin of her palm and wrist. 

Eliciting a quiet scolding from above. Wordless noise, without even a hint of real reproach.

Then, would Jenna reach down to grip at her jaw when the kiss turned playful, a nip with just the hint of teeth. Giggling then, free and unconcerned, and burying her face away from that same touch until Jenna forcibly turned her up and fixed her with a half-hearted glare answered by a lazy, smug, grin.

Henry imaged Jenna bending down, dark hair cascading down around them to form a curtain, her lips parted just slightly and Henry leaning up, her own opening in answer. Closer, closer, closer-

She almost tripped over an uneven bit of paving. Boot catching just enough to send her stumbling for a moment. Which was enough to shake her loose of the strange moment of lost imagining. Her heart rate has jumped up several notches as a creeping heat spread from her face down, and Henry stood for several moments breathing in the chill night air until her body had settled into something like normalcy.

Henry gave herself another shake and glanced around. At least no one else had been around to see her. Colgate wasn't even anywhere on her horizon and the rest of it, well, that was a whole load of stuff to remain packed tightly up in the safety of her own head. She'd already screwed things up just by showing up, there was no reason to go dropping any new shit on top. Jenna deserved better than that from her. 

That was just- 

Nothing. It was nothing Henry was even going to bother considering for another second.

She made the decision right then to go straight to Townes' room and not do anymore wandering, despite the fact that she'd only been outside for a few minutes. It was too quiet. Too much silence for her own brain to fill with whatever stray, random, totally unfamiliar thought came across. Henry would apologize when she got there, but there was something about the quiet that was clearly messing with her head.

Townes barely did more than glance at her after letting her in, rushing back upstairs to his computer to continue his conversation with Zoe. She had to jog a little not to get lost. And maybe that was what got her the strange looks from the people they passed, on the other hand maybe they can sense that she doesn't quite belong. Or maybe it's just that she's following Townes and isn't Zoe.

Not that Henry actually know if his girlfriend has come to visit. She honestly had no idea where their relationship was. 

He makes a beeline for his computer as soon as they reach his room. Which wasn't half the size of the one his room back in Reston. Only caught a brief glimpse of Zoe on the screen before she disappeared behind Townes head and Henry promptly tuned out their conversation by focusing her attention on the rest of his room. Henry doesn't like intruding. Townes' shit makes a good enough distraction.

Maybe a better friend would pay a bit more attention, after that shit with his and Jenna's science presentation or whatever. But he hasn't said a single thing since and Henryreally doesn't like sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong. Except when tagging, but that's not the same.

His room was a single and as close to a mirror of his room at home as he could manage Henry guesed. Which wasn't all that close. No window by the bed for one, also on the opposite side of the room for another, just a single bookcase, and desk where the bed would have been back home. Plus half his nerdy shit was missing. 

And maybe it was just because she had a roommate and Townes doesn't, but Jenna's room didn't feel half as lived in as Townes' does. Or maybe Henry was reading into it too much. 

She wasn't exactly qualified to give people shit about how they sort out their shit.

"Henry," Townes said suddenly, loudly.

She looked up, by the expression on his face and the volume of his voice Henry figured it probably wasn't the first time he'd said her name. Glancing at his computer she saw Zoe's face smiling back at her, which means they haven't said goodbye yet and that confused her. 

But before she had a chance to really wonder, Zoe said, "Hello, Henry."

"Um, hi," she replied. They'd only really met a couple of times. She didn't hate Zoe, or even really dislike her. They just didn't really know each other.

"Townes didn't mention you would be stopping by," the other girl continued.

"Oh, he, uh, didn't know. This whole thing was, like, a bit last minute," Henry said, as heat crawled up the back of her neck. "No need to give me any shit, Jenna already bit my ear off about, you know, rudeness and shit I guess."

Zoe frowned a bit, then shrugged, "Seeing friends is always good. And sometimes the surprise is half the fun!"

"Well, I think I interrupted something, so…" Henry trailed off, sounding a bit more bitter than she would have liked.

If Zoe noticed she didn't comment.

"It's good to see you, Henry," Zoe said, turning towards Townes again and letting her voice soften considerably, "Goodbye, Townes. I love you."

"I love you too, Zoe."

A second later the connection cut and Henry was suddenly left wondering at how much she doesn't actually know about what's going on with the two of them. Henry could barely tell her mom she loved her. Townes was saying to someone Henry didn't really know anything about.

Like, how old she was, where or even if she went to school. Where she lived. Anything. The sum total of Henry's knowledge of Zoe was that she and Townes met online, over some video game, and that once she stood him up. That, she thought, more than anything else proved how shitty of a friend she was. 

Which was when it occurred to her that she also hadn't told Townes about her plans, that she hadn't even gotten around to correcting him on her original 'plan' the one where she didn't go to school at all. Yeah, on the scale of not great friend traits that was probably pretty high up there. So she owed him, like, an extra helping of apology on top of the already significant mountain of apologies Henry already owed him.

"So, uh, Zoe… she good?" She asked.

"She is doing very well."

"Cool, good. Listen, I'm sorry about just, like dropping by and everything. It's just, I…" she trailed off.

"Mmm," he shook his head emphatically. "No, I- I'm glad you came!"

And he seemed to mean it from the grin that followed, which let a heavy weight off Henry's chest. 

Still, "I'm still sorry. Not just for surprising you, but for… I mean, I haven't exactly kept in touch and that's shitty of me."

"Yes," Townes said, which surprised her. People didn't usually agree when you said things like that. At least not without being a lot angrier.

There was a bit of lingering anger in his face, or maybe frustration Henry had never really seen Townes properly angry, but mostly he seemed relieved. Like someone had stopped standing uncomfortably close, "But I understand."

"You do?" 

'Cause Henry wasn't sure she did.

"Zoe explained it to me; you're like Billy Batson."

"Batson? What is that, like, Batman's kid?" Henry asked, then a little hotly, "Wait, you talked to Zoe about me?"

Townes winced a little before nodding, "I was worried. That, that it was something I'd done wrong. But Zoe reassured me, and she said that because you'd moved around a lot you might not have an easy time maintaining lasting relationships," he frowned.

"I made the Billy Batson connection; he's an orphan, and I know you're not, but he also moved around a lot between foster families and when the Vasquez's took him in he didn't want to grow attached. So he wasn't very nice to them at first." 

"But," he continued, grinning now. "Then he defended his foster siblings from some bullies and eventually the Wizard made him Shazam. Because he was really only trying to protect himself; the foster system can be hard on kids who don't get adopted fairly quickly, it's called aging out. And I think that's you, too."

Fucking shit, Henry thought as she stared at Townes. Unsure how to respond to literally any of that, obviously her first instinct was to just shoot Townes down, just tell him that he was way off base and that he really shouldn't be trying to like psychoanalyze her, or whatever. But also, fuck, maybe he wasn't not wrong. Like, she knows that moving around so much hasn't exactly been great; Henry had said as much to Jenna once. 

Still, fucking shit.

"Of course, you didn't get your powers from the Wizard," it seemed like Townes wasn't finished. "They're a part of you. So you're really more like a mutant from the X-men, but I don't read those… and- and it's only a short hand anyways."

Henry just stared at him for a long beat, then, "Shit, Townes."

"Oh! Not that I'm comparing your," Townes eyes went wide. "Your experiences to a comic book or trivialize them in any way, Zoe explained to me how that could be hurtful. Because I kept comparing her- nevermind, that's not important. Even if- if it was unintentional," he brought his hand to his mouth and he started biting at his fingers. 

"I-I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like your experiences weren't being respected."

She shook her head, "No, no. You're good Townes. I get that superheroes are, like, your way of making sense of shit."

He frowned again, "No, Henry. My, my issues aren't an excuse. You have to tell me if I'm hurting you, you have to be honest with me. That's what friends do for each other."

"Okay," Henry said slowly. Apparently Jenna wasn't the only one who had changed. Or, no, he'd always been like this, like the way he'd reacted after learning about how Clay had tried to force himself on her. "Well, honestly, you never hurt me Townes. I mean it."

This was just him learning a new way of applying that care and concern.

"Good," he said, dropping his hands from his mouth and huffing out a relieved breath. "I'm glad."

Henry felt adrift, unmoored, knocked loose by the comparison to this Willy Bats or whoever. Getting to know people or letting them get to know her has always been difficult when she knew she would just be gone in a few months, Henry wasn't prepared to have anyone just, like, _see_ her.

Part of her, the part of Henry that was terrified and wanted to run screaming. Wanted to disappear from the moment and return to when things were easier, to when she kept people at the easy distance where it hardly mattered if she never talked to them again or saw them the next day. Back to when it was just her and her mom. Put back up all the walls and bitter worded defenses so that whatever it was that Townes had managed to see in her could remain safely guarded and buried.

Josh was the only other person who'd ever managed to see through her like that. And that had been almost entirely by accident. One day he'd just been one of the kids she floated around, a piece of the background to Henry's life that was maybe a bit prettier than the rest of it and then suddenly, somehow she couldn't even fully explain then, they were both spilling all this shit to each other.

Something about him had been safe, had been like a mirror to her own shit, an echo reverberating back at her from across a vast canyon. Group hangouts had turned into dates. 

Two months they had together, some of the best Henry could remember since her father ran off, where they talked and laughed and smoked and kissed. And fucked. She'd made out with plenty of people before. At parties on the porch or in the living room couch or back against the kitchen cabinets where it was loud and crowded and she was still the new girl, a shiny object of interest rather than Henry the sullen girl who never talked. Never more that tongues and hands skimming under the edges of clothing. He'd been her first. 

Which had scared the shit out of her afterwards. Scared her because she actually felt something for him, because it was more than just the thrill of body against body, sweaty and sticky and burning. He wasn't her only. They hadn't exactly talked about exclusivity or anything and she had desperately needed to know if it was just what sex was; that sudden surge of terror and feelings. 

Henry didn't, like, sleeping with the entire school, but she just hooked up with some people.It hadn't been the same. 

Not bad, but just sort of, well it didn't seem worth it just for an orgasm. Except with Josh. Which yeah, all of that was probably a point in favor of Townes' little theory, especially with how she'd reacted to the first signs of the next impending move; Henry was good at reading them by then and she'd immediately started upping the ante on their little fantasy game of talking about just running. Josh and her. Not that she pushed it towards a reality.

Henry sat down heavily on Townes' bed. That was a lot to unpack, too much probably for what was supposed to have been a quicky happy visit where she, you know, fixed shit between her and Jenna. 

And Townes. 

Shit, she'd forgot, "I think you might be right, about… yeah, about all that stuff."

"But listen, I didn't drive down to Colgate just to, like say hi or whatever. There's actually some stuff I- well mostly I came down to tell Jenna, because it- she's sort of the reason any of it happened, but you deserve to know too." Henry took a breath, didn't dare look at Townes.

Couldn't not, founding watching her with the same eager attentiveness he always did, "I applied to art school, a few different ones actually. And I'm pretty sure I got in to at least one, because someone from the administration there called a few days ago to talk to me about, like my portfolio. If they could see some more stuff. Nothing's for sure yet, but it sounds good."

"Excellent," he said, massive grin splitting his face.

Which probably did sound like good news, except for the part where she'd lied about all this before. And he didn't know that.

"Fuck, I'm doing this backwards," she said. "What I mean is that at first I wasn't planning on it, back at the start of the year. When you and Jenna left Reston, it didn't really seem like- like it would do me much good; we actually had a fight about it on the ride down."

A beat. That stretched into a moment, into an awkward painful silence.

Townes frowned, "You lied to me. In front of my parents."

"Yeah," Henry mumbled and averted her eyes.Heavy weight settling in on her chest.

More silence followed that and she could hear the pain and anger in it, from the way his movements stilled and then shifted; Henry could feel the weight of his gaze settling on her. Didn't have the courage to face him. Maybe if he were yelling and screaming, confrontation had always been easier for her. She'd never really had to stick around to bear cold shoulders before.

"But, you are going now?" He asked.

"Yeah." 

"Okay, then I forgive you," and when she looked up, the anger and hurt that had been showing on his face was fading.

Blinking steadily to keep from turning into a mess, all she managed at first was, "Thanks." 

"And I really am sorry, lying to you then was wrong. I was just-"

"You were scared," he finished. 

Right. She'd almost forgotten that Townes had just finished proving that he had her figured out. 

And so she let any thought of replying to die quietly in her throat and stared up at the ceiling instead. Part of her still wanted to tell him he hadn't figured out anything and insist that she wasn't scared of shit, but it's a smaller part of her than it would have been even a month ago. Small enough it only takes a moment for Henry to squash it into mute compliance. 

She managed to nod and hoped he was watching her closely enough to see. Maybe she could resist the urge to run, to deny and shut down because it was easier to just not deal than actually facing things. But saying the words out loud was still too much. 

Admitting it within the quiet of her own head was hard enough. Thinking about all that shit; about Clay assaulting her, about how she fucked up with Jenna, about everything with Bill Boone, is exactly the last thing she needs or wants. Henry would really appreciate it if things in her head would just… stay dealt with.

Bad enough she has to deal with thinking about, like, what happens next. All that planning for the future bullshit always leaves her itching so bad to just run that Henry usually ends up taking a long walk after maybe thirty minutes of it. Her mom has got it in her head that she was hooking up with someone. There was a pile of condoms in the little desk by the door.

Another conversation Henry just plain didn't want to have.

Townes at least seemed to get it. Or at least got that Henry clearly wasn't going to say anything else on the subject, because after a few minutes of quiet and letting Henry's frantically tumbling brain come to something like a rest he doesn't poke at it. 

Instead they spend the next hour catching up on all the other shit in their lives. The stuff that mattered less, safe stuff. Henry told Townes about everything going on with Thomas' arcade, the two new machines they got and what's going on with him and her mom, and he told her about his classes. 

Mostly it's a bunch of shit Henry doesn't have the first clue about. Something about Asteroid Geology or something, it involves stars and planets and shit. Whatever. She barely scraped by in chemistry Junior year even with Shelly the fraud getting his metaphorical ass kicked to the curb.

The one time Jenna and Townes tried to explain their theories about how her disappearing act worked she barely understood a word of it. Nikolai didn't complicate things with, like theory and shit, though his bosses probably had it pegged, not when Henry just needed the practicals, which she had down now. Enough that it was under control.

Mostly she wants to not think about it. Which she can do most days now. 

Not that Townes knew any of that. Part of him giving up being her 'sidekick,' Henry had figured, was that she didn't dump that shit on him anymore so that he could better distinguish between fantasy and reality. Or whatever his therapist had said. 

Sometimes she did wonder if he ever thought about it, if he ever had questions he wished he could ask her; if maybe he was looking for answers in his own way even now. Probably not, since he had Zoe and school to keep him busy. Whatever. 

He also told Henry about his sister. Like how she'd broken up with her girlfriend, or her girlfriend had broken up with her, and now she was looking to transfer across the country or something. Or was it that they were breaking up because she had to move? Henry barely knows Megan and she has a hard enough time keeping track of her own life. 

Right around when he'd moved on to talking about Zoe, determined apparently to fill her in on everything she had missed in his life over the last few months he just stopped. In the middle of a sentence. Henry, startled out of her half attentive state glanced up. Townes was looking at the clock. 

_9:58_

Suddenly he's up and gently, but firmly, ushering out of his room. After briefly checking in that Henry didn't want to stay the night. The abruptness didn't quite take Henry by surprise, she was too used to Towns by now for that. Still it was a bit jarring to go from mile a minute chatter to being forced out.

Henry laughed quietly.

Before Townes managed to get her call the way out, she said, "All that stuff, about school, don't tell Jenna, yeah? It's just... I want to tell her myself and I'm- I guess I'm not ready yet, but later this weekend or… I don't know. That's stupid right, I came down to tell her and now I'm not sure I can."

"I solemnly swear, " Townes held up his hand. While the other went onto like, some sort of invisible bible or something. "That I will not reveal to Jenna any of the things you have told me in confidence."

If Townes is in on something, he's all the way in. Though he was grinning fairly widely, so maybe he wasn't being quite as serious about it as she thought. Whatever. He promised, Henry trusted that.

"But," he added, more seriously. "You should tell her, she'll be pleased." 

Henry just nodded. 

"Goodnight, Henry."

" 'Night, Townes."

Then the door closed behind her, with him on the inside and Henry outside and quite suddenly she felt very much alone again.


	4. Chapter 4

Rather than going straight back to Jenna's room, Henry wanders. Which was shitty of her, when she knew that the other girl was waiting on her. She just wasn't ready yet. The question of what she was going to say kept bouncing around Henry's head and honestly she had basically no idea.

Like, an apology was obviously in order. Beyond that though, she's lost. And even that wasn't exactly too helpful, Henry had never exactly been good at the whole 'saying you're sorry' bit. Not that she's really had many people to be sorry to. Besides her mom.

And this probably needed something more than a mumbled 'sorry' with all the shit between them.

Even just trying to sort through it all in her head had her insides curling up on themselves. Some of it they've, like, moved on from, but not by ever talking about it or anything; they slipped from anger and silence back into semi-familiar companionship without much more than a single conversation. 

Which Henry was fine with at the time, because it was easier. 

Easier to forget words said in anger, to forget the gnawing guilt, and just try and act like none of it had ever happened. Safer too, Henry had thought. Why bring all that shit back up when Jenna was just going to head off to college so soon, a handful of months that was all they had, why risk it? Henry could see now how messed up that was, all the ways it had let things fester under the surface.

At the time she'd only really been concerned with taking what was on offer with both hands; a last little bit of comfort. Which yeah, was messed up. Henry never really kidded herself thinking she was normal or anything.

But Townes laying out all her shit like that has Henry reeling. Searching for the right words to say. Not like a sudden bright light or anything, but more like the tide building to crest overtop a tall wall and soaking her to the bone.

So she wandered and tried to put the words together right so that all the ugly, painful things in her life would right themselves. Words had never been her strong suit though and so it mostly ended up being an endless string of half-formed apologies that couldn't capture all the wrong things and lingering slivers of hurt.

"Sorry I'm an asshole…"

"Hey, sorry about never being enough of a...."

"Sorry I'm a coward…"

"I'm Sorry, I'm just so fucking scare…"

"Sorry I'm inconsiderate…"

"Sorry, I fucked you over…"

"Look, I'm sorry I can't be the… friend… sister… whatever, that you need…"

Half of it sounded more petty than apologetic. And so, without having actually come up with anything Henry ended up back outside Jenna's dorm. Staring at the locked door. Hands shoved into her pockets as she paced back and forth in the faint hope that someone might wander by and let her in. Still muttering to herself. 

Finally after seven long minutes, Henry bit the bullet and just texted Jenna. Who didn't bother to text back, but showed up less than a minute later to let her in without even glancing at her. Henry followed quietly as they burned a path back to her room, still wracking her mind in search of the right arrangement of words to express herself and completely failing. Every step ratcheted up her pulse another notch and pumped even more anxious energy into her slowly fraying nerves.

By the time they reached Jenna's actual room, Henry nearly felt like she was going to throw up. Or explode. Possibly both.

The other girl, Emily Henry reminded herself, was gone and the missing roommate hadn't shown back up. And part of her was thankful, while the rest of her was cursing. A neatly folded blanket lay at the foot of Jenna's bed with a pillow on top; which as typical Jenna, even obviously pissed, she still managed to be prepared. 

Henry took a deep breath, "Li- "

"You just- Do you ever think things through Henry?" Jenna demanded before she could get more out. 

Her nostrils flared and Henry took in the sweep of her face, noting the little signs of Jenna's anger which must have been mounting since she left the room; the inflamed and slightly ragged spot on her lip, dry redness at the corners of her eyes, the rosy flush to her cheeks. That last might not be strictly her fault, Henry thought, which sent a flash of something churning through her gut. Something that she deliberately pushed aside.

"I, uh I'm sorry that I didn'-" she started again, only for Jenna to cut her off again.

"Oh, you're sorry? A call, Henry, or just a text and I could have told you not to waste your time," Jenna snarled. "But nope, nothing. I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else."

"Three months of nothing since Christmas. Bfore that, I don't know what the fuck was going on with at Thanksgiving that you couldn't stand to hang around for one night. And, and- You didn't even bother coming for family weekend!"

All she could think to say to that was, "Someone had to watch the arcade."

Which hadn't sounded much better in her head than it did spilling out of her dumbass mouth. But even trying to explain the rest of it is beyond Henry. How was she supposed to explain the gnawing doubt and fear, the seething roil of a feeling she refused to name every time they talked and Henry had it rubbed in her face that she wasn't there. The way it had hurt more being around Jenna knowing how short it would last.

Henry hadn't ever been possessive before. Wasn't the sort of person to ever worry about what other people were doing without it, because Henry was always the one leaving. Perpetually the person looking in the rearview mirror.

Obviously this was a bad idea. The entire fucking spurr of the moment trip down, a collosal fuck up on her part no matter what sort of good intentions she had for it and in that moment of regret Henry could almost feel herself slipping away. However briefly. It wasn't even enough for the shit on the shelves to rattle, just a tugging deep in her.

But Henry refused. Rooted herself in place and focused on Jenna. Jenna, whose eyes burn into her. Whose fingers flex and threaten to form a fist. Jenna who was scoffing and rolling her eyes and preparing very clearly to go off again. Nothing else. Just Jenna.

Henry fixed her eyes forward and for a miracle, it worked.

After a long moment, Jenna's mouth still working trying to make whatever bubbling pot of frustration had festered in her boil over and failing she shook her head violently and squeezed her mouth shut tight. Lips thinning to line.

Turned away, paced, and sat down heavily on the edge of her bed, "I'm tired, let's just… go to sleep."

Which sounded great, except for the part where literally nothing had been worked out and they had to wake up tomorrow with Henry still in this room. She literally just got herself to stay and yet the way Jenna's voice heaved out of her has set Henry ready to go running all over again. Something in her just hurts.

"Maybe," Henry hesitated, knew it was a bad idea. But everything seemed like a terrible option at that point. "Maybe I should... just go."

Predictably it was exactly the wrong thing to say. Jenna rounded back on her, mouth working again, as her eyes blew out into nothing but white with tiny dots of color and her face went rigid with constrained fury. Under that incredulous stare, Henry wilted, said nothing. 

Finally, after another minute, Jenna grated out, "Henry. Just-" she shut her eyes for a second, composed herself with a long shuddery breath and finished, "Go to bed. We'll talk in the morning." 

Part of Henry continued to rebel at the thought, wanting nothing more than to get as far away as fast as she possibly could from all this complicated emotional trauma and stuff. Just bury it under as much time and distance as she could manage. Except that her words to Josh came bubbling up out of memory, the only difference is that this time she's eighteen and it wasn't her mom's shit she would be running from. It would be her own. 

And if she could stick around in the face of Nikolai going radio silent on her, her dad ghosting her in the park, Jenna not speaking to her, just… _everything_ with Luca, and Townes dumping all his 'research materials' on her. Then she could stick around now. 

She could. She really could.

The only person Henry had to convince was herself, she's mostly been done with running for awhile. Maybe the urge for it was strong in the moment, but she resisted. 

Instead she took the blanket and pillow Jenna had left for her, spreading them out on the floor. Carefully avoiding more than glancing eye contact or even accidental brushes against the other girl. Dorm rooms not being spacious she ended up basically layed out out right next to Jenna's bed, which was more than somewhat awkward what with neither of them speaking.

Jenna stepped over her to turn out the lights and Henry stripped down in the dark, only to her t-shirt and jeans, so she doesn't freeze to death in the night, and then tried to settle in, to sleep. 

Tried was definitely the operative word.

No tossing and turning, because the last thing Henry wanted right then was to call anymore attention to herself, but there was a whole lot of shutting her eyes and steadfastly trying to clear her mind. She must have dozed off at some point, at least for a few minutes. Because the shadows playing out across the walls shifted gradually under the faint moonlight trickling in through the window in fits and starts. It was really the only way Henry could tell time between one moment and the next. 

She kept waking back up at the slightest motion from Jenna. And once to muffled sounds from right outside the door. And in between those fitful naps her mind kept turning over the entirety last night from start to finish.

From the moment she got in her car in Reston until she knocked on Jenna's door, Henry didn't have a single second thought about any of it. She didn't let herself have a second thought. Henry had developed finely honed skills to avoid thinking through things too much over the years, music was always good to drown strays thoughts and errant moments of self-reflection. Smoking up was good too, but only if Henry had something to do; like tagging a fresh wall, or eating a good sandwich. Otherwise it tended to be the opposite of what she wanted.

Tactics that aren't working now. The expression on Jenna's face when she opened the door, wide-eyed surprise flickering to panic to anger kept replaying itself in her head over and over again. And the stiff way she held her as she retreated closer to the other girl, Emily Henry reminded herself. The strange, questioning looks that she shot Jenna in those short moments.

Something about the memory sent another flash of something oily and nauseous twisting through her gut. Henry hadn't ever had problems with Jenna's friends before. She wasn't like, eager to get to know them, but she'd never really had any reaction to them beyond distant amusement or faint disdain. Which tended to describe her feelings on Reston in general.

There was no denying that she was reacting now. Had been reacting the entire time. And that knowledge forced Henry to consider that maybe she'd had more expectations for the trip than she'd been admitting to herself. 

Or maybe it was just Townes stupid comic-book hero psychoanalysis rattling her. Hour by hour, as the night drags on, Henry became more convinced her first instinct was right; whatever she had been thinking with this, 'grand gesture' bullshit, it clearly wasn't the time. Jenna needed time to cool way down. And Henry needed time to figure her shit out.

Before she said anything else and messed things up even worse. Telling Jenna about Henry's, still uncertain, plans of attending art school when she doesn't even know what's actually happening with them would be a disaster.

It could all still fall through and then what? Henry would be fine, not like she really _needed_ school for anything. She'd be fine. But Jenna, she'd want to know what the next step was, want to talk about backup plans and contingencies and shit. None of which Henry actually had.

So yeah, her half-baked spur of the moment plan was a bit premature. Big surprise. In the morning Henry would just have to say sorry for disrupting her night and like cockblocking her or whatever. Make some excuse about her reasons and bounce. Probably after taking a bunch of shit from Jenna.

Which sounded awful.

Or, she could just skip out before Jenna woke up. 

That sounded… really attractive. It also sounded like something that would piss Jenna off even more. But really enticing. She was still contemplating it when the sky outside started to lighten with the slowly peeking sun edging over the horizon.

Henry glanced up at Jenna, nothing but a curled lump of blanket over which she could only just catch a glimpse of dark hair and a thin sliver of pale skin. In the quiet dawn staring up at her from the floor Henry's heart ached with a powerful all encompassing yearning for something nameless. It passed after a moment. 

Leaving her laying underneath a borrowed blanket, staying and fading shadows.

Then came the fear, rushing upward like burbling bubbles pressing at the inside of her chest, that nameless thing she'd refused for so long to acknowledge; the idle fantasies and moments of wondering that sometimes caught. Brief flashes of a feeling that could only be named jealousy. 

Then an onrushing of all encompassing panic that wrapped her limbs in lead. So that Henry could only let sit there in the dark as the realization sit heavy on her heart and let it wash over her.

Jenna; too serious, too dorky, too eager Jenna being the focus of those feelings frightened her. Wasn't the girl thing. Henry had made out with girls before, done more too. This wasn't that, couldn't be that. It was, it was- 

A yawning gulf between them, a chasm that stretched and stretched further with each day made of all the things that Jenna wanted out of life that Henry would never have. The things Henry wasn't made for, that art school wouldn't magically fix. Lines and color couldn't replace stability and openness, couldn't make her run and run from things that frightened. And it pounds into her again, like a hammer beating down on her, and feels too much like a rejection.Too much like a door closed Henry didn't even really know she wanted open.

Shit, fuck, but maybe she should have. 

Months she'd been thinking, obsessing over how to fix things with Jenna, trying to figure out how to be that better person she imagined all those months ago. How to be worth her. And it never crossed her mind to wonder what she actually wanted from Jenna, what it was she was expecting would happen when and if she made things better between them. It was too much.

Too much to put on this moment. Too much for her to deal with.

Without meaning to Henry was on her feet, frantically pulling the sweat and jacked she'd shucked last night back on and then shoving her feet hurried into her boots. Her body taking action so unthinkingly she didn't even try and keep quiet. Jenna started to stir only after she was back to fully dressed and reaching for her pack.

Henry was halfway to the door before Jenna called out in a soft, sleep tinged, voice, "Henry?"

She froze, her body grinding to a halt as her thoughts simultaneously went tumbling into a hundred different directions and sharpened to startling clarity. After a moment Henry turned back around, heart pounding so loud it was difficult to hear. Jenna blinked blearily at her for a second before her gaze hardened. Whatever words she spat, Henry couldn't comprehend through the thundering in her ears or the screaming blankness in her mind.

"What?" she managed after another second. 

"I asked," Jenna asked, voice buzzing with anger even through the still somewhat scratchy sleepy quality. "Where you were going?"

"I- um, out," Henry swallowed, tried, "For some air."

As far as lies went it probably amounted to one of the worst she'd ever told. Jenna's gaze swept Henry from top to bottom, sending a thoroughly unwanted shiver coursing through her, and took in the boots on her feet and bag on her back. For an instant all Henry wanted to do was toss her bag to the ground and spill everything.

But the truth had never been Henry's friend. 

Talking about what Clay did to her, telling her mom about it, hadn't fixed anything. He still haunted her dreams some nights, a nagging shadow at the back of her nightmares, drifting back up just she thought he was gone. Learning the truth about her seizures had only ever had her wheeling from one crisis to another; her mom almost dying, creepy corporation breathing down her neck, got Anna fired. Every moment people like Jenna and Townes spent with her was another that they were at risk. 

Getting even close to the truth about her dad hadn't fixed anything, because the truth was that he was a coward. Just like her. Running and dropping teasing glimpses of himself, but never stopping to let her grab hold. Blood was on Henry's hands and the truth of it won't set her free. 

So, no, Henry didn't trust that part of her, didn't trust in the truth.

"With your bag." 

Jenna was sitting up in her bed, eyes fixed and face pinched.

"Oh, um, I was- that's," the lie had started pretty thin, but it was more comfortable than the truth, "Habit."

She stared Henry down for a long moment as her face worked through the entire range of reactions Jenna was feeling on the inside; disbelief to irritation to anger and back to disbelief again. Like she can't believe Henry thought her that stupid. Finally, she scoffed, "Habit, right."

"Jesus Christ Henry. I can't believe you, you come barging in and then- "

"No. You know what; go," Jenna threw up her hands. "Do what you do best, just run away."

Then she flopped back onto her back and let the frustrated growl that had been building in her diaphragm rip out. Henry, probably sensing her best opportunity to escape, turned and finished taking the last few steps to the door. But as she was yanking it open, Jenna was surprised to find herself already out of her bed and crossing the bare distance to slap it shut. 

Still clad in her pajamas and with her face reddening Jenna got herself up in Henry's face.

"But I swear Henry," she bit out. "After this, I'm done."

Henry frowned, uncertain, and opened her mouth to respond. But before she could Jenna kept right on going.

"Because I am sick and tired of your shit. Done helping you, when you are, clearly, determined to see your life up in smoke." It felt good to get out, good to throw in her face. Like the relief of pulling out a nasty splinter or throwing up. "Next time you make a mess of things, don't come crying to me, because I am through with being forced to pick up the- " 

"I never, never, asked you to try and _pick up_ after me," Henry snarled.

"No, you just show up at my dorm on a Friday in the middle of the night. Or crawl into my room at two AM, high, and start rambling about women with dogs following you. Or insist we go to a party and get too drunk to walk properly," she sneered. 

"Totally not cries for attention or anything."

"That's just, that's not- you don't know what the fuck you're talking about Jenna."

"Speaking as the only one of the two of us actually going somewhere with her life," she said. "I think we can safely say that I do."

"Not everything needs to have, like, a ten-step plan."

" _Some_ planning might help," Jenna cut back. "Right now all I see is someone l who's going drift from town to town, fucking whatever guy will take her in and bumming joints off idiot highschoolers."

Henry hesitated. Art school and calls and tomorrows sitting at the tip of her tongue. 

But what came out was, "Fuck you Jenna. I am not some fucking project for you to fix, so why don't you pay attention to your own shit."

"Gladly, just as soon you stop dumping the wreckage of your life in my lap," snapped Jenna.

"Maybe, if you stopped using my life as a distraction from your own shit for one fucking second this time you might actually be able to keep a girl interested for long enough to actually get in her pants."

"Rich," Jenna snorted again. "Coming from you, who dumped the only guy who you could _ever_ stand enough to be serious about, all so you didn't have to actually think about the future. Telling yourself the whole time it was for your mom and her happiness, which you then proceeded to completely fuck up too!"

Jenna watched Henry's hands jerk sharply towards her for a moment and she instinctively flinched away. Besides her one and only encounter with Nikolai Jenna hasn't ever actually see Henry hurt anyone, but something in her eyes frightened Jenna in that moment and then in the next she had pulled back, her face twisted and eyes gone wide. 

A part of Jenna twisted too at the look on Henry's face. She pushed that down though, rushing past her aborted motion.

"You don't get to play me anymore Henry. I'm done listening to the toxic shit that comes out of your mouth; I never should have let you back into my life."

Heavy silence that settled in the space those words left. Jenna kept her eyes locked forward and wrapped all her doubts in chains of the anger that still festered in her to calm unsteady nerves and jittery muscles. Beyond the door they could both hear the faint sounds of stirring life. Something unsteady churned in her gut, Henry's breathe froze in her lungs, and the leaden weight in Jenna's chest tightened.

"You're right."

Whatever she was expecting in response, a raised voice maybe or perhaps for Henry to press closer, put Jenna on the back foot, it wasn't that.

"We are done," Henry said. Tried to fill it with spitting venom, to keep it steady. But instead it came out… flat. Empty.

Jenna felt triumphant for an instant. And in that same instant Henry seized her moment to turn tail and run, vanishing from in front of her without another word; leaving it swinging gently open in her wake. It all came crashing down. Like a great wave shattering against the face of a cliff, breaking into a hundred droplets of water.

Relief sent a shuddering spasm down her spine at the same time as a sick chill gripped at her throat and thundering heart.

_Fuck._

*

*

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Henry brushed by bodies, ignoring unfamiliar faces and curious looks.

Every part of her is screaming at her to do something else. Legs to break into a run. Heart give in to the tugging at some unnameable part of herself to slip away. Fists and arms to beat at the nearest available surface until the pain stops. Mind to turn around and go back. 

She ignored them all, kept walking determinedly until she was outside. Cold morning air stung at her eyes. Kept going until she found her car.

Her hands gripped the wheel tight she could hear the fake leather squeak. Tight enough that she could control her own breathing. What she felt was nothing close to relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you it wouldn't end any better than the last time. :(
> 
> Things are almost getting better, stay tuned for the next part.


End file.
